posted on June 9, 2013
its just weird, I took Hawaiian baby woodrose when I was a teenager, they are psychedelic seeds, stronger than morning glories but in the same family… I wrote some of my experiences on a site where people share their trips. I saw a lot. I realized a lot while I was on them. I saw infinity and had deep meditations, I would always feel like I had a deeper understanding of life and new what to do next after I took them.
Now it feels like my parents are trying to make me taking psychedelics into a business, they want to simulate all the atmosphere of it, and we live in harpers ferry, a place that’s very dualistic, its like the confederacy and the union constantly fighting. they pretend to be poor, they keep being so dramatic. and they opened up a store called Art Shack Baby, where people go to make art, in the down town historic area.
so that’s like the family business. but it all just seems like an act. they’ve always had this little wood stick thing that reminded me of ayahuasca shamanism, and it seems like they want this all to be some huge psychedelic rite happening in secret. They’ve basically made sex really strange, they seem to be trying to invite me into their sex, and trying to joke that because the plant is called Hawaiian baby woodrose that I am a pedophile hence they name their shop Art Shop Baby. Then my Dad keeps putting up pictures of people I know, its like he wants to control them, act like he is having sex with my friends my Age. and Just give me a bad experience, that’s what it all seems to be about, basically, covertly. They want to turn it into a battle, that’s about these ego things, turn it into brujeria and curandera.
why has it become so commercial? I have to see the metaprogram, above the duality which they are talking about.
but it seems like youtube and all of that is something they control and they had set up the videos to give me a bad experience.
they want me to feel invaded.
so im just, trying to see truth.
beyond judgement or kindness, these are hallucinations
its a huge ritual
but I don’t want to be in the gladiator ring, its just a bad setting for tripping, because though they think they understand, they don’t, even if they do trip secretly, because who would do it as a
secret? and keep it hidden from their child who wants to relate to them?
they are acting like such experts but they had no idea what they are talking about.
they want to make it like a battle, like using zen for military purposes.
its not real because I just see them becoming more egotistical, I just see illusions, I see wastefulness, I see attachment to the visions.
I see them trying to control my life through the visions. they want to trick me into doing something illegal, thinking it will give me power. but the truth is, I don’t need any material things. they aren’t really in control.
they are showing me the world of corruption. the thing is why would such a huge organization be doing such a huge thing with me, and yet give no outward signal of it? because shamanism has degenerated in the past years and become basically like an organization, that’s their front, they want it to all look very official, and be about the phd people
the organizations need to be destroyed. yet what am I going to do? trip and out try to attack them while hallucinating? its just not my style, that’s something karma has to handle.
but im looking at the program and it just seems unfair, stop trying to make rules and religions for these plants, its not even the true way, each plant will tell you specifically, its time to break from the larger traditions. leave all tradition behind, for fear of becoming an organized religion.
they want me to feel weak, I feel like the are the illuminati or some kind of group like that, trying to organize around me, to play with me and make me feel inadequate. but is my karma really bad? they are not a force of good, they are the old,
they’ve put too much into this
they’ve made it too stupid,
of course, its not going to be about what they planned it to be about though.
they are a primordial enemy, who are they? the corporations…
I am a Choctaw indian, trying to overcome the limitations of the past, this is the Appalachian trial.
I am not a supporter of the confederacy, and yet I am not the union either, just because both of those terms are so outdated. I am a supporter of good, of love and peace.
all these people represent is the binary, all they talk about is scientific genealogy.
but I don’t believe in that. We have to get beyond the things of the past which held us back. we have to go through the torah, we have to take out the bad, and trust the God is real, trust that, he didn’t mean to hurt us but wanted us to know that we also are part of him, We must take out the slavery, we cannot support slavery, and we must take out the references to family members having sex, we just don’t need to look at that.
why the jews? because the jews are not missionaries, and because the Choctaw have a connection already to the Hebrews, as do many other cultures across the world.
I’ve gotten through all the bullshit and I see what it truly is, because several other Choctaw people have met me
I just have to fulfill the prophecy, and break from the movie. they want to suck me into a movie,
I believe in Jehovah but not in Jesus.I don’t really conform to normal ideas about having a set genealogy I think we are all directly a part of every culture we encounter, we are all shapeshifters and rainbows… We are not genealogy. This is the truth. There are people who treat life like a movie who come and try to prevent things from being free, but they are just a snake attached to keeping us all in a wierd genetic logic trap that prevents our growth, the idea of set DNA, it’s based in a binary code, but this system is not real DNA is determined by our dreams and the spiritual connections we have to others are beyond science entirely it doesn’t all need to have a physical component, the DNA genealogical stories which say we cannot change in any way are like the snake anansi traps on the stick, in the story where he wins all the stories from the Creator, maybe the snake had that shape of DNA, but we all aren’t like that, that’s not the only arrangement it can be, anansi is jewish and the snake is showing the genealogical world but it’s not the true family, it’s like a logical family, but then there’s us who change and we are the mystics, we are just consciousness, we don’t even need DNA unless we dream we have it, it’s not so rigid as that, it’s fluid, not a stone but water, it’s not always churning around it just it what it is at that moment our spirits are unknowable and unlimited, so we are free because we see the truth away from that and away from the binary code it’s based on, my idea of family is not what those people talk about at all, it’s non conventional, I’m not going to change… I see genealogy as the work of snakes, don’t take it too seriously because magic is real, I don’t operate in the herd as a normal being I follow no pattern identifiable with any role, it’s just chaotic, at times I am treated as a diety, others a fool, I am just a Jew. I am a rainbow being, I am not a computer, I am not hypnotized.
i see that these people are shapeshifters, and they pretend to be one and also the opposite, to confuse others, but to defeat the shapeshifter you just have to remember that all things imply their opposites.
its not neccesary to pretend to be one thing, then the opposite. it disturbs nature.
i am not a hermaphrodite like that. im not able to handle it, because it destroys the way my mind was organized before.
if everyone is just themselves but also their opposite.
but maybe i have to just accept it, accept total chaos, and talk about it, and say, today, i am chinese, today i am a cow, today i am a cloud….
then my mind will be fluid enough… because those were my true believes anyways,
and maybe they just want to leave the role of parents, because they arent acting like they so much, and i just have to let them, be different things, be something different each day, then they will stop acting like children.. because a real child doesnt want to be a child, a child wants to be so many things
so if i could help them return to that, it would be great, its just the current way its setting itself up is stupid, and its stupid that its not changing, it changes a lot. just give up the idea of an unchanging identity, identify entirely with consciousness which is constantly shifting. that must be whats happening, and its not attached to any specific physical form. the trick is not to start identifying it consistently with any one physical form. but to keep it fluid.