Choctaw Nation of Oklahoma

The Great Seal of the Choctaw Nation

the healing journey of wanti

Aisha Deersound Linole Aisha Deersound Linole

posted on November 10, 2012

my mom comes up and shes like take a shower
and take a shower and can i wash clothes and its in this robot fashion
then im just like im meditating on the holocaust im sorry ive just felt really sensitive lately
and she keeps telling me to take a shower, and im like do you understand how thats sensitive
and then shes like no and she’s like all ghetto and angry looking
and im like people in the holocaust they told to go into showers and then poison came out
and shes like theres no reason for you to think of that
but i said i was just thinking on the holocaust and slavery and all wrongs of the world lately for some reason
and im like freaked out im like, no that actually happened to people and i start crying
then mosi came and he understand and he was like calm down to her…

and i wonder who was it who tried to put the curse of incest and molestation upon the people of the world, was it the zionists, the shamans? the christians?
why did they try to make the history real psychologically and leave it there permanently?
there is no way this is the true torah so i do change it
i know for myself what God says
this is true judaism… i have no idea who these people are mystical spirits
i’m in deep …., they have literally trapped me, thats what i percieve, i am diagnosed with schizophrenia but that could be a trap
i know some things are special about me, but this is so insane

what hitler did was put a parasite into the torah, he changed it, he was always prophecized to come, in the scattering of the languages
and the time would come where we would all have to find the ways for ourselves
deciphering truth from evil, with our sense of what is truly good, our morals given
to us by the still honest trees and plants all around us,
to hear the true deity still, after commercialization, and ancient monarchies so ruthlessly,
made us into these holocaust victims, without leaving from the torah as officially given, there is no healing

stop this, trying to make everything become so neat, and so clean all the time,
have some compassion, let it grow loose, this is insane,
this is not zen, this is not zazen, we needed to go into abstraction,
we journeyed in the dream realms, we let it grow, we shamanically broke away from the …. camp
i felt like my arms would fall off, because i have to contort to all kinds of positions in the room to sit
and type
and below when they move in the kitchen noises come up and they chastise me, its horrible, and then the images of slavery
i feel like im on the ghost of an old slave ship or in a cabin sometimes,
i empathize deeply for this and call out a cry of compassion for all beings, i have been banned in most places
i can only write in internet text boxes for youtube, almost
i know it must be shamanism is must not really be real
but no one ever set it into that context, but not so long before the world was so vibrant and hippielike, maybe its just these times i hope, and it will pass,

fri nov 5th 5:55 – to my sister who is kind and lets me text her these messages because the kundalini somehow lets the river of our lives flow in the way were that can be okay and like the kabbalah makes the letters appear and its insane and its healing and theres always wisdom

“eh im saying this in 2012: this arrangement is unwise.. i gotta have compassion for idiocy now, its not real, its not really effecting things so much, 2012 is the trip year and the year of the rememberance of the feminine manifestion of divine being equal and the same, its kind of very sections of from everything else as if unrelated.. on both sides, it is unique as if something is there, on both sides Kaballah!

its like the Fibonacci Goddess, its good for the environment, other times u cant really see it like this
its the shamanic year that is the microcosm of it all kinda or something.. it looks unwise, in not in my element with something like this, but its okay

astrologers, were looking at it and saying, thats gonna be idiotic, , but itll be karmaless, and it wont leave a mark, we must not take it seriously!


this is insane, and then theres these masonic lodge people in such a small town it basically becomes all about that and for me thats scary, and its all like so square and im just totally freaked out by the whole thing,
so im this schizophrenic person trying to get to seattle, but i feel like im not really schizophrenic but my parents are some kind of chastity shaman
and thats causes the crazy experiences and anxiety,
because i was there in seattle before and i was so much more peaceful, peaceful in a way i had not been in years
they started to like control the movements of the house furniture to correspond with youtube foot fetish videos
i think its some kind of ritual, but anyways, its insane, and its not helpful

ive been trying to help people out but its like everyone around me is zombiefied, i see hippies in my dreams, but i dont know where they are in my life
my friend, my sister, thinks i just want to be teased about everything, but these things really hurt me
and the peace i felt in seattle was real,
this is ridiculous
is it anti semitism?
its effecting me a lot
as if i am in israel, and theres so really evil force, doing telekinesis on my life

but when i meditate on the yomo

the pain goes away
because i know there is real still alive, i know though this scourge perhaps has seperated all beings like me, all consciousness
i still feel them there

i know its okay if i die, if then i will be at beat
but i know, maybe if i go on, it will grow, and there is no life or death anyways…

rejecting the directions (in every sense of the world) is protection from bad art (in every sense of the words).. directionless wandering dao, part of my hippie faith is to reject the direction system, which forms heaven, hell, and seperates everything so unnaturaly and magnetically, this was a technology that developed latter, and it has always caused suffering, supposedly open minded people can even cause their own failure by using directions, for example alan watts,

its never really the actually specific direction they are talking about (though theyll pretend later another directions good), but the entire system of directions itself, just by entering at a certain point, in nonduality, but when you are rooted in just what is, you see that none of that existed, nor this world that supposedly had to be resisted, this is why equality, equanimity, truly comes from freedom from directions, otherwise its like needing to go to israel, when its really everywhere…

likewise, among the racists bodhisattvas, its never a specific race, they are talking about, but the entire system of race itself, no matter what race, or what gender or whatever you are entering from, if instead of fighting them, engaging in the duality at that level, you can see the whole and you thank these people for getting you to abandon these conceptions, then you are liberated by what used to oppress you, in someone who is conscious it will immediately invoke that response,

thus we enter a more whole healthy and true state from dropping conception, and this benefits all consciousness

i just dont know whats going on, i feel like these folks want shamanic warfare or something, i try to hold back but it gets too wierd, if it gets like holocaust stuff, or slavery stuff, not just sterile in a exhibit or something but psychological manuevered so it has some effect in my current life i have to retaliate in some way, though it really goes against my nature, i honestly dont know what this shamanism stuff is, or more specifically what if is to these people who seem to have take note of me, and hwho knows, maybe those actions where some simple primal zazen that saved my life, and it was no physical

but my sister she is like my jewish sister, who i met in the spirit tribe of wanti and shes always pretty much been there, and my parents i see peices of them that are real, and then there is like this strangeness, i dont know if its because of the mysticism, because we are all moreso children of the community, there are many who have raised me

but for some reason, i feel the spirits of the fleming family, and the kitwana family have done the most, but wierd things happened too, really wierd, that made it seem like it was all winkte or some kind of tribe thing it like its secret but we are sisters or something, because of some kind of ancient yoga connection, in our family, and it being mystical, some kind of hippie thing

and it looked like horrible guru type stuff, it wasnt rainbow, it was like people blindly following some leader for no reason, who had horrible feng shui
and the whole rainbow family was failing…
and my tribe, the choctaw tribe,
and the chickasaw tribe,
were said to be supporters of the confederacy, and i was like no, please dont let that be true
and just heard the spirits say it wasnt the true way of the people
Hashtali, Nanishta, Hvashi
to try to own another being, no, this was not the way

but then its all so strange the mysticism, maybe i am supposed to see myself as a god, I mean I do in some sense, but I also worship, in that way its like a fractal, and its all karma, the way you treat those supposedly below you is the way the ones supposedly above you treat you,

but here its like theyve made some kind of spiral and thats not happening, so i have to awaken the kundalini
its like the historical stuff isnt there for reverence, its there to affect me badly,
theres a sculpted image of a moaning black face in the living room under the light, a chair with an african design on it
and a little i guess its a really thick bamboo cutting thats been waxified and it has feathered tied to it
but it always struck me like a cutting of a caapi vine
theres a picture of this scene from the door of no return in africa, a point where slaves were shipped to america
my mom painted that, she wants it there, she didnt know one day i felt so horrible about it on the back i wrote a liberating poem, which was signed by the spirit of the choctaw….

they have an ouroboros over their door, its as if they used the shaman to do this to me, the feng shui points to that being true
along with the fact the objects in the house have started to reminisce blatantly of videos on you tube

the choctaw tribe is known to have been the first to support the confederacy, is that whats happening here?
i feel pushed into it, somehow through telling this story i might be freed
maybe i had to return shamanically in the spirit of john brown it was prophecized or something
in the spirit of amanita muscaria, and liberate the spirits again in the zen way
this time not from overt slavery but from psychological slavery to idols, and to a limiting world view
when really nothing can be known for sure, a slavery to thinking that ego is bad
when ego is the medicine itself, we all are the way we are for a reason, dont try to suppress the way a person is
these are the ways of my tribe, they are trying to suppress the ways of my spirit
and make it into some kind of ghost confederate battle, with the black people being the corrupt ones…
and its spiritual, my sister appeared as the oka nahulla
they want me to heal the river maybe all kinds of things
the buddha at the river… but they pretend that it is my parents
not the one i love, who i met in the river, but they pretend they are always watching so we are not at peace

we have to exit this confederacy union trip battle, and see how its effecting the environment, we have to see this place as a natural shrine, it is beautiful, we can’t make it so colonial, and have those spirits really living here.

the number of the house is 267, 267 synagogues destroyed in kristallnacht, broken glass all around outside, masons in every direction, churches that say zion, this place is difficult to be for someone who is sensitive, someone who is a hippie,
i just remember my ways, the ways not boxed in by any tradition but the truth, this is full on psychological onslaught, i pray that there are real people out there, but at this point i dont even knew, they are obsessed with reenactment but its time to stop, time to enjoy what we have right now,

maybe they control everyone in my life and the only way out is to walk or in a hospital, or make it somehow on the west coast, so i have to try to do that, and i will, its getting to where i dont have a choice, if the world doesnt end

and even if i does i wanna be there, in seattle
that place was beautiful, that place is like wanti…

this is emotional to me

idunno who you are all or why this is all happening like this
but maybe its just for the redemption of my people or at least myself
there is a accupuncturist in town, i am weary to go, i dont even know if i could afford it, but the number there is 298

my parents talked about accupuncture but also a lot of wierd matrix stuff and this, i just have a bad feeling about that
this is definitely a cult type setting, a bad and malicious one,
and thats not a good idea i dont think

but the number is 298 my moms phone number when i was younger was 240 267 2998
now our house is 267 a nd the number of the accupunture down the street is 298…
its just a bit wierd
is this how this track native american people down
people of this ancestry
for being a hippie later on? and then they look back, and then it needs to be something like this?

the connection was even in the street, back in maryland,
lafayette street (in chicago my grandma lived on layafette street and was afraid of snakes haha), like a faery almost
there was a gun store right outside the neighborhood my flemish relatives lived
gun in english the weapon but in gaelic
its like a part of many things

gun taobh its neutral
gun chrioch is unlimited,

stuff like that, choctaw are very much like the celts, and possibly its a magical portal, and stuff
and connections also to hebrews

so im just like maybe thats what it is,

and my grandma on the other side told me we were connected long ago,
and its literally in the earth as if written in stonehenge but no one sees it except me
or so they pretend

so did they track me down when i posted psychedelic trip stories that were honest and tried to be introspective and i showed i had spirituality and try to be really ancestral by tracking down exact bloodlines and stuff?
i wasnt really coming from that angle but the same thing happened to me, through the vibrations i was finding
but it went deeper,

i feel thats what they’ve done, and its like its some huge secret, because i look up black hebrew on the internet and everyone is like oh its bad, they are racist, have propaganda, or they want to be known as master race

and thats kind of stupid
im not racist, i have just literally felt that at certain times prayers were literally about my life
i had a book on jewish mysticism when i was like 13 i just got i intuitively not knowing what it is
then it fascinated me, randomly from a book store,
i also meditated a lot and at high school i learned yoga

maybe some of them are, but i dont think judaism is really about blood just like the lineage my visions told me wasnt really about blood, maybe it was there, but it was more spiritual, and thats all that really mattered, because it connected us at the level of consciousness, not just physical, and so it was respectful of all aspects of life

the blood stuff just made it feel like a science expirement
it made my spirit feel abused…
the way which came from my spirit, from the stars it felt like it connected me to the stars and awakened me to something real and alive on the planet and all around, to something i knew as wanti which came from god

and to a real world, with such mystery and good amazing miracles…
and it had empathy for all beings because we were all connected
we were a spirit energy with no definite form
ness, kundalini
but we had kind of ways of personality that made up who we are in the world
and we shouldn’t shun that, we should make it art
just make sure to always remind yourself that its not all there is
and we are all consciousness, not just human, etc
and we are even Goddess, because Goddess is in all of us
talking to us if we listen

and i just trust these ancient ways and this dance with the planet
such a huge shadow has manifested but i know i have the strength to go through it

i just remember the words the sacred names which pour from my spirit
where once i say an image of unspeakable beauty in the true formation of my body and the meaning
of all the spirits around me

aigy saiyazen
sulos arvendolo


it is good

this is deep for me, this is real, this is present, but i still go,
its almost as if i am many, as if i am the nation of wanti

i know that the true rastafari will help me, the true one in every good place
they all know i am real, i am true,
they know i do not want glory, but am compelled to this bizarrely, perhaps by fate itself

the gnosticism will return

the truth will return of the connections hindus are jews, africans are jews and viking native americans are celts, picasso is spanish, everyone is al connected, of course!
the tree of life

i will explain the terms, at some point, i have to tell the people about this, its some gnostic spirit happening in these times,
obviously relevant, this is the literal Deity, moving among us,
this is the unlimited deity, and the unlimiting deity, the liberating Deity…
beyond all name and form

God/Goddess of All

this is my faith

I hope you can read this and perhaps it can be your faith,but i will not go forth as a missionary, but i will put it on forums because just no one has had a chance to hear this, its also just news…

i think maybe, its because of the kabbalah
but should kabbalah be about reliving the holocaust or should the teachings be open to everyone?
no masters but everyone sharing and constantly making it better? this is the true vision of stonehenge
and kabbalah is all languages, and even beyond language, kabbalah is the part of the heart that says think for yourself
it is not the mason, the illuminati, it is the one who sees the world with love and who writes the poems the poem spirituality of God, and who prays and who harms none and encourages others to harm none, not the legalists, but the ones who feel the morality of the heart, the prophetic ones who are so far beyond where the physical has left us, but indeed they indeed to make their thought aura physical for they know it is the true kindness of the God, coming to them through the Shekinah, we cannot be lazy with this, we must all add our stories, we must all speak positively, we must all help eachother to be as hippieish as possible for these are the true holy ways… this sounds strange perhaps but it is all real and true

its not a big deal, black hebrew is not a big deal, even if so, who cares, the truth is even more subtle than that we know, for we are consciousness

we are God, though we dont say this to make others feel belittled, but we should know it for ourselves, and maybe live it a bit too in our lives, its okay, actually by living it, but still with goodness and compassion in our heart, we activate the greatest intelligence of love in the world, when we know we are the divine ones, the magic happens,

and they maybe needed me to do that, maybe thats why i feel behind, because i didnt share that I was God, but its true I am, and so are you, and yes, there will be good now, I feel it, because these are all the ways together, the ways of my spirit, and its good, this is real, i am who i am… and stuff

these names are healing, the vibrations are healing
aigy, let their magic grow, this is what god has given us, and it will heal us… i believe that…

for it comes of the cannabis, in the most sattvic state, and now we partake, for the spirits are here, the spirits of the real

in this strange trip and we partake and sacredly and thank the Great Spirit
ad hope for a safe journey and to find what we need, and to grow in all the ways we yet must on our quest further, to Wanti Seattle.

oh yeah but also..

i live most of my life in maryland and love the forests there walking around all the time i loved it never giving up maryland ways… maryland is a non racist state where its not about being non racist, its just about living, you dont have to fit into some kind of racial of gender paradigm, just BE…

and seattle is like a continuation of that, in a place thats kind of more closeknit but still environmentally friendly, so i like it.. and its like more hippieish even.. so yeah
it felt very distinct to me
like a city
a city of living trees
hard to describe but yeah