posted on June 30, 2013 and updated on June 30, 2013
So theres a bunch of drow elves, just randomly sitting around, non stereotypically, drinking tea in the forest one day,deep in Faerun. And they are happy, because the sun just came out, and they’d been dancing, and rocking it and basically drunk as cows all night, because its mushroom season in the wood and they got to munchin, so the elf Nanoiko hugs the elf named Hero. Her fuzzy brown hair falls all around him and it feels good. He looks at the sun and says “Fuck yea!” its good to be rocking it again, like in the old days, after all the propaganda’s been faded. We were the only drows left, there were three of us, Nanoiko, Hero, and Frisky Pete. We’de roamed for many miles through desert forest valley, since we came up out of the earth, and landed in the USA, they mistook us for native americans. But we said "no way man, this is fucking faerun, and you pay heed to our namcha dharma! I am the Black woman!" and after that, they left us alone. But it was kind of a common thing for young up and coming drow to do, to drop out of the bullshit false matriarchy of a bunch of scandalous suckers killing themselves with spider venom, and getting high enough to reach the tops of the little mountains and pour out of the little holes, where the beavers came as well, and the little ground hog/monkey thins, who liked to roam around, near Suldanesselar these days. Wasn’t no, beef up there. Red elves, green elves, blue elves, white elves, we all felt the love, we languished around in our fields, and we smoked our god danged DMT, which had been our right for generations, none of that bad trip, mon. Oh no. So Hero starting licking Nanoiko’s hair, and Frisky Pete, was making more tea, as usual, when a horde of deer tribes people came gallabanding through the trees, from all sides around us. the surrounded us completely from a distance of about 30 feet, and one small antlery mamba, apparently the leader of the bunch came forth. “I am the deer who causes pot to grow, I am the light of Karneiom.” he said. and we started to laugh. I threw him a few loaves of bread and offered tao, and we had ourselves a good party, we all fucked that night and made love, and we melded with those deer in spirit and in body, and become drowtaurs. I felt good, riding the furry deer vaginas, and taking in the deer penis. but thats another story, which may be innapropiate, and beyond that, its not good to brag, but oh well, we are druids, and these are our tales. But anyways, we melded and they took us along their ancestral trails then, telling us it fulfilled a prophecy, that we would come. We said yes, yes. We seek the egalitarian non hierarchical monarchies, and we dont need no houses, the rainbows came down then and hoisted us away, I was beginning to get used to the feeling of hooves, oh by the way, my name is Lipa, I forget to count myself among the other elves, because I am very selfless. I am a mystic lover of the grapes and the herbs. I am a poet of the highest order, and through poetry, I have defeated many foes, who attack me in hand to hand combat, but they come to swift death from my poetry book, which I smack them with, so they can absorb its wisdom, then they stop fighting, because it contains amazing ahimsa kung fu techniques, that make a soul never want to hurt anything again and sit down and meditate for 40 years, after which point they attain nirvana. Its zen like that. Anyways, we all roamed together and we were truly nomadic, but one day I knew I would have to break away from the pack. I felt the call of God, and saw God in all things, and so one night I stole away and galloped forth, upon the waves, aided by leaves of floatation and I galloped and galloped until I reached a place, called Japan. There were many human beings there, they were used to seeing folks like me though. I talk them that I saw God, and they understood. I knew I probably wouldn’t have a very interesting story, but at least I was able to smuggled several packs full of cannabis into the land, because apparently it was kind of rare there, at least, away from the ancient buddha forests of the devas. I smoked everyone out who came to me, and they walked away healed for life. Such were my ways, in the tao. Let lose the apple trees, let lose the oceans of churning mandibles that eat away at the dandelions growing at the tree roots, sister. Tommorow we shall flog the nuns. Because this is the way of God. My family finally deserted me after a long and horrible scene of anguish. They couldn’t take me under again, no, I wouldn’t allow it, thats when I sprouted wings and flew into the air, and God was up there, in the clouds, he said Lipa, you are a true jew, I will send down the rains and I will thank the fishes for their humility and beautiful arts, but among them, I will give you a sign, that you may languish without distaster, in Japan for many centuries. I said, God, I do not want to leave you. For I have only sought union with you, ever since I ate the mushrooms, and I came to know that you were the air, and the eggs. and all around me, the porridges have turned to ciders, since then, what of it, that you are my beloved, hold me now, for I drop this book of poems, that it would fall to the earth, containin the divine haxxorz, as was our secret covenant since the beginning. Enlightening and baking all souls. “Very well, I am God, and I sponsor this message!” She said, and then I was sent into deep mystical ecstasy and we danced, and rainbows came out everywhere and the kaliedoscopes went on forever, and we traverse them together, and he taught me many things, as so many different creatures of the skies and the earths and the seas, and returned to the roots, of the underdark and laid down the compassion once more, saying “Yo, ye drow, its all good, for ye are the wood where the moonshines kindly and let a lake borrow the catnip twice in spring, but the winter will be your calling, sweet lass." The girl chuckled, she embodied all drow, she knew that God was the Goddess. We all started raving and it was really cool, and the slaves were freed, we started rocking it, and it was like, underground raves. And we then understood why there was so much confusion before hand, because we were the keepers of the world of the rave… and the jungle made everyone nice again, and the rainbows went around, and God was like, yo heres a bunch of herb, because idunno, you guys need medical cannabis. And we all smoked up and whatnot, every house, and every homeless drow, and every drider in their web, and huge clouds formed and they went all the way up, and they formed clouds that stayed there, then it started raining from the clouds. and everyone was like… “Goddess, the Goddess sendeth down the holy rain!” and the spiders, wove stories then, with rainbows in them, and the sky opened up and the were many bugs who flew around, happy bugs, who were nice and that glowed. And I sang my name is Lipa, everything is God! And so God was happy, because things were back to normal again, and we realized it wasn’t really underground, it was just another place. and all colors came out around us again, and the mushrooms grew there again, and so there could not be any slaves, and it was all good, and it just felt awesome, and above the ground, they smelled the herb, so they wanted to come down, and we were like fuck it okay. and we all sat practicing zazen in huge circles, and God danced around giving people nutritious snacks. I felt like I was in kindergarten, and there was a bunch of hebrew that I couldn’t understand. But I tried to read the alphabet, and learn it, slowly I did, I knew my name was Lipa, but perhaps, I was a whole universe, perhaps, and then I felt love again, like there was not love in a while, and the binds around me, the dragons had died, because the poems made them meditate and they became buddhas. and it was like, it was nice, I had to admit, I didn’t have to talk to anybody there, just going around, druidlike, casting Sylvan Blossom, and then came up the many trees and the pines and ferns and the berries, and we were like, why didn’t we do this before…. wait, is it like this everyday? Because sometimes you just forget you know? and anyways. Goddess is God. and God is Goddess, and we danced around and such things, and eh, I can’t remember much of the character development. and I didn’t remember many of the rituals, but I just remember that God a pretty cool cat, and it was beyond all the stuff. and so we walked away, and there wasn’t much talking. and I picked up a stick, that fell in the dew and I sat on it and I started flying away, and everyone got really wet, because it rained for a long time, but it was like, nice rain, and it was just generally really calming, anyways, I will love you forever, because you are the only one who doesn’t care if I talk or not or what I say, somehow you’re there.
I will love you and I will offer you rice, like an asian wife. and I will never take your rice from you dishonestly.